It’s Been a Hot Minute

Trigger warning: Discusses depression, anxiety, and cutting (no action was taken) I was not in a good place mentally and emotionally when I wrote this.

I feel so behind in everything lately. I have watched so many movies since by last review. I’m not going to be able to catch up. I think what I will do is review all of the new movies that have recently been released and forgo the older movies I have seen recently. As for everything else. I went back to work, which has been more exhausting than I expected it to be….and sadly not very satisfying.

My depression and anxiety have also been a little bit out of control lately. Mostly since going back to work. I made an appointment to get back in to behavioral health, but my appointment isn’t until the middle of October. That in itself has been a bit of a struggle. It is a shiny light at the end of the tunnel, but at the same time it seems so far away that it is daunting. The hardest thing lately has been my urge to cut the pain out. I know that isn’t healthy and so I fight it.

I feel so alone lately. I know that I am always alone, but alone has turned into lonely. And I must be a Negative Nancy because everyone keeps giving me advice on how to fix my life whenever I say anything…..even observations. I need to “consider a middle ground,” “focus on taking small steps,” “realize that other people don’t see your flaws like you do.” I know all of these things. I’m not looking for advice, I just want to feel like I am listened to and understood.

Maybe that is my real problem. I am learning that the people in my life don’t really seem to understand me. I know that I am a complex enigma…..I guess maybe I am too complex?