Chaos and Fear
Empathy. The ability to understand and share the feelings of another person.
Empath. A person who feels the physical and emotional state of others.
All people have the ability to have empathy, but not all people are empaths. Being an empath can be exhausting. You absorb the emotions of others. You always know something is wrong even when the other person tells you everything is fine. You have a keener sense of when people are being honest with you and when they are lying. You hurt when those around you hurt, you feel joy when they feel joy. Like I said, it’s exhausting.
Imagine you had this ability to absorb the emotions of others. Your friend tells you she is pregnant and you feel her excitement and are excited for her. Your neighbor’s uncle died and you can feel the sorrow and loss that your neighbor feels. Now imagine you are in a crowd of angry, upset, scared people. How do you feel? Do you feel overwhelmed yet? Do you want to hide and pretend like everything is okay? Do you want to be alone, but want to feel physically close to someone at the same time? That is me….and every day it gets a little bit worse in this environment of chaos and fear.
I want to hide. I want to pretend like everything is okay, but I want to stand with those who want justice, equality, inclusion, and tolerance more than I want to protect myself. So here I am, standing up and saying “enough is enough!” I am a white woman, and although 50% of that statement already puts me into a marginalized category, being white unfortunately puts me closer to the top of the “women” category. That is ridiculous to me. Black women, Asian women, Hispanic women, ALL women should be treated the same, and ALL women should be treated the same as men. ALL PEOPLE should be treated the same. While I have a personal conviction everyone matters, I want to emphasize that all lives can’t matter until #BlackLivesMatter.
Some people don’t like the saying #BlackLivesMatter and they want to say all lives matter…but what they are failing to see is the glaring injustices that black people have to endure. Yes, all lives matter, but not everyone is subject to prejudice and hatred because of the color of their skin. Often, when it is pointed out that prejudices are inherently encoded in our brains, people get upset and claim that they aren’t prejudice…and that they don’t have inherent bias against others. You might be surprised though. If you find yourself saying you aren’t prejudice, you should think about putting that statement to the test.
I did put that statement to the test. I was debating the topic of bias with a classmate in my doctoral program, and my professor suggested that we take Harvard's Implicit Assumptions Study (go ahead click on the link!). So we did. The other student, who happens to be white, learned that he has a inherent bias against people who are not white. I, on the other hand, was pleased to learn that I don’t have any inherent biases toward race. If you are interested, there are other inherent bias tests in Harvard’s study, including those for age, gender, sexual orientation, etc. (as a side note, I scored neutral on all of the tests).
I’ve gotten a little bit off track, sorry about that. With the horrifying murder of George Floyd, who is really just the most recent victim on a LONG list of black people who have been wrongly murdered, the United States has erupted into a land of chaos. The vibe I get, from nearly everyone when I leave my house, is chaos and fear. Riots, protests, mud slinging….all in the midst of a global health pandemic and economic recession. It’s too much for people to handle, no wonder everything has gone crazy. I am glad that people want to stand up and protest (although I’m not sure so much violence and vandalism is necessary). I am glad that people are demanding change. Change needs to happen. People need to become more understanding and tolerant. Kindness matters, love matters, people matter.
You may want to help, but don’t know what to do. Here are some suggestions:
Take Harvard's Implicit Assumptions Study on race and see where you fall. If you don’t fall in the neutral category, figure out what your biases and prejudices are and how you can change your mindset. If more people would shed the biases ingrained in them, we would be closer to where we need to be.
Make a donation to #BlackLivesMatter.
Make friends with black people. Listen to them. Support them. Stand with them in good times and in bad times. And not just black people, fill your circle of friends with a diverse array of colors and cultures.
Stand with others in protest. I know that the protests can get out of hand and that some local police forces have escalated matters, but don’t resort to violence. Stand firm, remind those in authority of your constitutional right to peaceably assemble. Don’t participate in violence, looting, and vandalism.
Write your local law makers and demand policing reform including stronger punishments for excessive use of force, mandated emotional intelligence training, mandated training to break down biases, better tracking of complaints against officers and officer incidents with real consequences.
Become more active in politics. You have a vote and whether you believe it or not, your vote does matter. If politics make your head spin and you don’t know where to start, A Starting Point will be launching soon. This website brings voters and politicians together so voters can better understand the issues. Until the site launches, you can check out the A Starting Point Twitter feed.
There are a lot of other things you can do to make a difference. What ever you do, stay strong, be respectful, be safe. Take care of each other and remember, kindness matters.
