Uncomfortable Feelings
Online dating is entertaining and interesting. For a person fascinated with understanding what makes people tick it is also a great social experiment. I have encountered a wide variety of gentlemen and learned more about what I am and am not interested in when it comes to a life partner. I’ve laughed, been touched (not physically…in case you were wondering), and been appalled. I know I only share the completely outlandish stories with you, but there have been good stories too….ones that don’t seem quite so crazy or ridiculous. I’ve recently met two gentlemen (one who lives in the States and one who doesn’t) who both seem like good humans and have potential for being future life partners.
As fun as online dating has been….I’ve noticed that I have developed a new characteristic that I don’t like. I am wildly independent and have been since I was a child. Because I so often received criticism and disapproval from my parents, I moved beyond needing to seek approval from others. I’ve often felt this is a good characteristic because it encourages me to look to myself as a guide. Of course…we also know this can also be bad because I am highly critical of myself and often feel like I am a bad human.
So…back on track to this new characteristic. I’ve noticed that on days when I don’t get messages or “likes” I feel more down on myself. I start to reach out to those around me for reassurance that I am worth knowing. I seek approval from others. It is so frustrating to me because I know I am actually an awesome person (no matter how much I feel like a bad human). I have a lot of amazing gifts and qualities to share with the world and I don’t need the approval of others to know that.
Yes, I would really like a life partner to spend time with. Someone to come home to, watch movies with, go on adventures with, and cuddle with. Someone who will share household work and build a home with me. Will I be okay with out that? Sure, I can take care of myself. But, it would be amazing to not be alone so much of the time.
I guess for now I just need to refocus myself on me. So I didn’t get any likes or messages. So what? That doesn’t decrease my value, it just means that other people don’t see my value. A hundred dollar bill someone lost under a park bench is still a hundred dollar bill rather people notice it there or not. Eventually, the right person will find it and the hundred dollar bill will enrich their life.
Maybe you have been having self doubt too. Know this:
You are an amazing human rather you feel like it or not.
You have gifts and talents that are wonderful and enrich the lives of others, even if you don’t see it.
You are beautiful.
You are strong.
You are enough.
You be you. No one else can be you better than you can. Until next time, be good to yourself.
