Where do I go from here?

Do you know what you want to be when you grow up? I’m not exactly sure what I want to do, but I know I don’t love where my life is at. I want to help people. I really want to help leaders learn how to be the kind of leaders that their followers need. I’m just not sure the best way to do that. Consulting? Teaching? I guess the first step is to finish my dissertation and get my Doctorate. I’m so close. Yesterday I turned in my complete draft of chapters 1-3 for what I hope is the final time before it goes to the Institutional Review Board for approval. Then I can actually do my research.

I feel very inept at work, which is leading to my questions about where to go with my life. Have you ever made a mistake, and you knew you made a mistake, but how you view the mistake and how others view the mistake are not the same? In this scenario, have those others failed to see all of the amazing work you put in because they could only see how you failed so that is what they focus on? I’m not disputing that I messed up, I KNOW I did. Things could have gone a lot better, but I worked really hard, for a long time, to try to turn the pile of manure I received into a perfect sculpture…..but manure doesn’t want to be a pretty sculpture……it wants to be a pile of crap.

I could go on, but I won’t. I want to leave some sort of anonymity for those involved, and it really isn’t nice to say mean things about others on the internet. The long and short of it is that we don’t see eye to eye and unfortunately the bad news coach that lives in my brain (distainfully referred to as BNC) is choosing to side with the others who can’t see my hard work for what it was and tells me that I suck…..that I am not good at my job….. Those thoughts always escalate into how I am not a good person and that I am completely inept and worthless.

I am NOT worthless. I am amazing. I am enough. I just wish I could get my brain to believe that. If you ever have these same feelings, I am sorry. I know what you are going through. It’s rough. but remember: YOU are amazing. YOU are enough. YOU can do anything you set your mind to!

Stay safe and be good to yourself.