Communication, Communication, Communication!

Up to a few months ago, I don’t think I have had a healthy relationship with a man in my life (well one…but he comes in partnership with his wife). My relationships have always been on someone else’s terms (this includes a considerable number of my female relationships too). I’ve been expected to communicate without receiving communication. To give 100% while not getting the same effort in return. To be pretty and happy and there in a pinch to comfort, console, be a shoulder to cry on, get others out of trouble. Only to find myself weathering the darkest storms and climbing out of the deepest pits on my own.

My relationships with men have consisted of them calling or texting me when they are horny. Them not wanting to learn anything about me. Them referring to me in terms of my beauty, my body, my sexiness….but never acknowledging that I am smart, clever, empathetic, and warm hearted. Because of my dysfunctional upbringing, I thought this was how it was supposed to be. I wondered if good communication even existed anymore.

I’ve already talked about Polaris. My shining star. He brings brightness to my life, leads the way, and provides assurance and comfort. I sometimes wonder if he is too good to be true, but yet I fall more in love with him every day. Today we had a minor disagreement. I mentioned a historical fact, and he told me I was wrong. I felt sick. I was certain I was right, but correcting others usually ends badly for me. I have always been surrounded by people who have to be right….who can never admit when they have made a mistake. It has taught me to always be gracious and to not be afraid to admit when I am wrong. In the words of one of my favorite people, Maya Angelou,”Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” I want to be the best me I can, even if I have to admit I was wrong in the process.

I was afraid to say something, because I am used to the other person doubling down and making me feel stupid. I asked Polaris to Google it. And you know what…he did. He even thanked me for helping him learn something new in the process. At that moment I felt sure of two things: (1) I love Polaris with my whole soul, and (2) we communicate really well and will be able to get through anything. We interpret the historical event differently, but we are able to see each other’s view. Polaris has created a safe space for me where I feel like I can speak up…and then reinforces that safe space through his actions.

The point of this post is communication. Communication is the most important relationship tool we have. Romantic or otherwise. Every interpersonal interaction stems from it. Bad communication can lead to discontent, misunderstanding, and division. Good communication involves speaking AND listening. You don’t have to agree, but you should acknowledge that the others person’s opinion is valid and matters. Try to see both sides. If it is about a decision, compromise. Be a team. Have empathy.

I am grateful the Universe brought me someone who understands and values the importance of communication. I hope you have people like that in your life. Until next time, be kind to yourself and others.

PS I’m learning French!